Tuesday, January 04, 2005

omg hi2u ltns

hi. how you been? me? oh I'm ok, thanks. Nothing all that new to report, although I suppose I should throw down some notes since it's been a few months.

Was good this year, with the help of my sister Chantel we managed to play Santa's Elves to all my brothers and sisters. I wish I could have done more to show her how much I appreciated her help in the endeavor, but I'll just have to do it little by little throughout the year. I have high hopes for Brad to fall in love with the guitar again and pursue that talent of his. I'm admittedly jealous that he is so creative and capable, artistically, musically and just in general. On an interesting note, three of us managed to exchange each other digital cameras this year. My family went all out and got me the Canon PowerShot S70 I had been drooling over (only openly because I figured they'd never try for something so expensive.) Much love to the family for that one too.

New Year:
Ok, so I could have gone to any number of events and parties or even hang out with the family, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I felt too unstable to concentrate on the thought of a new year being upon us already and what I have to show for it and what I honestly think the new year holds in store. I don't want to think about it. I'll just hide away and let the time pass and pray that sooner than later I figure out how to be happy alone.

Home is still with my parents, but I'm hoping still to migrate to Dan & Chantel's basement as soon as it gets finished. Which requires it being started. I'm expecting to contribute any way I can to assist getting it done as soon as possible.

It's great, and my solace. It's where I live and breathe and play. I escape my fears and hold onto some sense of self. I also should be seeing my raise starting this year, which will be a very welcomed addition.

Tough subject... I wish I knew. I want to be a better person, which I think involves better a better Christian. I'd like to tackle issue that plague my life and be worthy of things that would make me happier. But nonetheless I am not that strong. And now once again I feel that I need to take a step back and try to solidify where I stand. It's not that I don't believe in the gospel or God. I just don't believe in myself.